Apologies for not posting last week – turns out launching a blog 2 weeks before moving to a new city isn’t the wisest thing. With so much going on, I was feeling way too burnt out to write, which is ironic as the topic I was trying to write about was creative burnout… I’m still busy battling with IKEA furniture, so if this post is a little messy, that’s why!
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抱歉上個星期我沒有發佈文章！原來，在搬到新城市的前兩個星期推出博客不是最聰明的決定。因為事情這麼多，我太倦怠寫什麽。諷刺的是，我想寫的主題是‘創作倦怠’… 我現在還是跟IKEA的家具開戰，所以如果這篇文章有點爛，你知道原因！
I’ve always considered myself a creative person. However, I’ve been in a lengthy period of burnout (for 4 years!!) which has made doing creative things feel not just difficult, but sometimes completely paralysing.
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我一直覺得我是一個有創造力的人。可是，我有一段長時間的倦怠期（長達四年！）這讓我做創作事情時感到困難，有時甚至感覺癱瘓。
Before I started university, I was an extremely artistic & inspired person. My main creative outlets were makeup and food, but I also painted, experimented with fashion, made jewellery, made a few Youtube videos, built giant eco-homes in the Sims, wrote 30,000 words of a horror novel inspired by my chronic sleep issues (one day it might reach the light of day), and even worked as a Cake Decorator at Costco for a bit. Nowadays, when I sit down at my desk with the intention to do something creative, my mind just blanks. I’ve even been struggling writing this blog post.
開始上大學以前，我是一個非常有創作力的人，也有很多靈感。我最主要的創作形式是化妝和做飯，可是我也畫畫，嘗試不同的衣服風格，做飾品，拍一些YouTube的影片，在The Sims蓋巨大環保房子。我寫了三千個字的恐怖小説，靈感來自自己的失眠（有一天它可能會面世），甚至也在Costco一段時間當蛋糕裝飾者。現在，坐在桌子前想做創作的事情時，我的腦袋都是空白的。我甚至在寫這篇文章時也遇到困難。
I think not being social for so long during Covid made me forget how to act like a human and gave me a weird anxiety about… pretty much everything. On top of this, I am not a hugely ‘academic’ person, which meant the long hours of research and academic writing at university left me feeling hollow and detached from my creative side that I had neglected for so long. I can’t bear the thought of not being ‘good’ at something that I once was, so it became easier to not do it at all.
我覺得疫情時那麽長沒有人際接觸讓我忘記怎麽像正常人一樣生活，也讓我對似乎所有的事情感到一種奇怪的焦慮。再加上，我也不是一個‘學術型’的人，所以大學的長時間要研究和寫學術文章讓我感到跟我很長忽略的創造力脫節，內心空虛。我受不了自己在以前擅長的事情上變得不好，所以選擇不要做比較容易。
"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." - John A. Shedd
"留在港灣裡的船是安全的，可是那不是船被建造的目的。"
So… What’s the plan?
My plan is henceforth split into 3 P’s (I literally just decided this):
P1: Prioritise. I’m not only going to re-prioritise creative time in my life, I’m also going to prioritise the things that help me feel more like a human. Journaling, even if it’s only a line or two. Healthy food, movement and time in nature are an absolute must (and sunlight, even though we have only had one non-rainy day in the UK this year).
P2: Perfectionism. I’m gonna make things that aren’t perfect. How terrifying the prospect is, as someone who still thinks about that time they sent off a work email with a typo in it (it was in a dream, but it still counts). Admittedly, I won’t be posting photos of sloppy paint jobs or underbaked cakes, but I’ll give myself some grace to be a bit shit at creative stuff when I’m just alone in my flat.
P3: Phone. Yup I’m embarassed to admit, the phones really are the problem. I find that on days where I spend more time on my phone, I feel so exhausted and un-motivated to do anything creative, or anything at all really. I’ve got an app blocker on my phone and plan to have apps such as Instagram and Linkedin blocked for most of the day (I don’t have much social media so yes, I do doomscroll on Linkedin…)
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所以。。。計劃是什麽呢？
我的計劃今後分成三個P (這是我剛剛決定的）：
P一: 優先順序
我不會只再一次把創作時間放在第一，我也會優先安排讓我感到更像個人的事情。像寫日記，哪怕只寫一兩個句子。還有健康的食物，身體活動和在大自然中的時間都是必須要的（還有曬一點太陽，雖然這年英國只有一天沒有下雨。。。）
P二: 完美主義
我會做蠻爛的東西。這個可能性（我真的找不到道怎麽用中文說prospect哈哈哈)太可怕了，畢竟我到現在還是常想到有一次我在工作郵件裡打錯字（其實是在夢想裡發生的，可是它還是可怕的)。當然，我不會把不好看的畫或沒做好蛋糕的照片放在社交媒體上，可是我一個人在房子裡時，如果創作爛一點的東西，會對自己多一點寬容。
P三: 手機
我不好意思承認，可是問題真的是在手機上的。我常常發現，在手機花很多時間的那些天，讓我感到疲憊，完全沒有動力做什麽創造的事情。。。甚至什麽都不想做。我在手機上下載了封鎖工具的APP，計劃用它在一天中的大部分時間鎖起Instagram，Linkedin這樣的社交媒體APP（我沒有很多社交媒體，所以對，我花時間滑在Linkedin上。。。）
What are some things I want to dip my toes back into? ✦ 我想重新試探一下哪些事情呢？
Makeup: Makeup is the first creative thing I really put hours into, and I got pretty good at it. It’s a bit of a contradiction, but although I hate being perceived, I don’t really feel like myself unless I’m covered in colours and weird shapes and sparkles. So I’m hoping to embrace being a little more weird and experimental with my makeup again.
化妝： 化妝師我第一件真誠花很多時間做的創作形式，所以我變得不錯。這有點矛盾，雖然我不喜歡別人對我注視，可是如果臉上沒有彩色的化妝，奇怪的線條和閃閃發光的東西，我感覺不像自己。所以，我希望可以再一次擁抱更古怪，更實驗性的化妝風格
Painting: I’ve always had dreams of being able to paint magical woodland scenes or colourful abstract work. Whenever I’ve had a small burst of motivation, I’ve also experimented with adding calligraphy to abstract/whimsical painting, which I think is a fun idea to explore and a good way to engage with Chinese culture in a creative way.
畫畫：我一直夢想自己能畫充滿魔法感的森林場景，或是彩色的抽象作品。有短期的動力時，我也嘗試把書法加入抽象或神奇的畫作中。我覺得這是一個很有趣的風格，也是一個很好的創作方法跟中國的文化連結。
Tiles: It sounds random, but I fell absolutely in love with traditional Taiwanese tiles. This love started when I first visited the Museum of Old Taiwanese Tiles in Chiayi. I visited 3 times, bought merch, became fascinated with colourful tiles and even ended up getting a Taiwanese tile tattoo, so it feels very fitting for me to try my hand at some of my own tiles.
花磚：可能聽起來有點隨機，可是我在台灣深深愛上了台灣的花磚。這個熱愛是在我第一次參觀嘉義的‘台灣花磚博物館’。我三次去了，買了一些商品，開始對色彩的花磚著迷，甚至也刺了一個花磚圖案的刺青。所以，我覺得嘗試畫自己的花磚是一個適合的事情。
I don’t expect to become a creative master immediately, but I’ll keep you updated on my progress ! I encourage you to replace an hour of scrolling with an hour of something creative, even if it’s something small like following an origami tutorial (this one is very good!!), baking a cake or something else. I bet you’ll feel better after it.
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我不期待自己會馬上成為創作高手，可是我會跟你們分享我的經驗！我鼓勵你們用一個小時的創作時間取代一個小時的滑手機，哪怕是小事比如説跟著摺紙的影片（這一片非常好！），做個蛋糕或是其他的事情。我相信做完後，你一定會感覺更好。
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Remember I’ll be posting my review of ‘The Ferryman and his Wife’ by Frode Grytten next week, so if you haven’t read it yet and want to join in, you still have a week to do so! I read it in one evening, so it’s not a long one 🙂
別忘記，下個星期我會分享我對Frode Grytten的’渡船夫和他的妻子’的看法！如果你還沒看完可是想要，你還是有一個星期！我是在一個晚上以内看完了，所以它不長 🙂
You’ve got me into a rabbit hole of looking into Taiwanese tiles thank u I’m not mad at it
LOL this made me laugh !!! I’m glad u appreciate them as well 😀
Another banger of a post. A true joy to read and I’m inclined to at least try to follow in parts of your footsteps. Journaling and one hour of creative time a day. .. we all doom scroll too much.
Thank you sooo much Rosanna!! <3 Doomscrolling is defo the bane of my lfie right now...